Saturday, September 17, 2011

In Defense of the Delhi Boy

Ah the perils of a social conscience! Here is a meek defense of my favorite specie in the zoo: the Delhi boy. He has been defamed and criticized here by a fellow blogger and a citizen of this nation. My heart stirred with emotion and I set out to frame a noble reply for my brethren but the keyboard fried midway as my copious tears fell on its old school circuits. As I started writing, two men of significant stature came to my mind; the English poets Sir Philip Sydney and Percy Bysshe Shelley (husband to my former love, Mary Shelley). See we Delhi boys have read our literature, no? Both these men wrote because they ardently believed in poetry. Shelley's A Defense of Poetry and Sydney's The Defense of Poesy inspired me to write for what I believe in: The Delhi Boy.

Dear fellow blogger,

I refrained from calling you a 'madrasan', not only because I did not want my future offspring to 'sprout coir' but because I was raised in a city where people come from all over India. Delhi has people from Maharashtra, West Bengal, Bihar, Punjab and the many states of North East India. Like a vast sea, Delhi takes them all in. Like a mother, she raises them to be men. Delhi University, the melting pot of the many states of India, revels in giving an identity to one and all. You can read that here. When you came here two years ago with ' a bucketload of expectations', perhaps you had already committed your first mistake. Your expectations were in fact preconceived notions about an identity of a city and its men. When you compare us to an 'ignorant, chauvinistic oaf with the intelligence levels of an autistic 3 year old on crack', you not only display profound ignorance but also insensitivity towards autism and drug abuse. 

Who is a Delhi Boy? Is he the one who is born and bred here or is he the 'immigrant' who has accepted Delhi as his home? Neither you or I can answer that question. We are all children of one planet and all boundaries are man made. I would have never ever bat an eyelid after reading your post if your angst was against men in general. But why stereotype us? Men are uncouth and crass all over the world. Why single out Delhi's men? Delhi is unsafe not because of its men but because of the indifference of local law agencies. Women are unsafe in Delhi because the law is lenient and not because Delhi's men have more testosterone. I support you completely when you talk about safety for women in Delhi. I have a working mother and many female friends who go out in the city every day. Of course, I want them to be safe. But bashing men just because they belong to Delhi is a bit harsh.

I finds bits and pieces in your write-up amusing. Your humor stems from racism and ignorance, the very two traits you accuse Delhi men of possessing. I honestly did not understand what you meant when you said 'your mother’s voluptuous shaved Punjabi bosom'. Women have hair all over their bodies. its variance depending upon genetics rather than geographical locations. As a woman, I'm sure you understand that having unwanted body hair is a mere cosmetic anomaly and nothing more. Of whatever insignificant knowledge I possess about the fairer sex from 'the countries south of the Vindhyas', I believe they are more voluptuous than their Punjabi counterparts. You can read that here. Show me a man who shares his girlfriends' bra (unless they are into kinky sex) and I'll gift you a SUV. Are Delhi men really ignorant if they can hold a conversation about something as women centric as Fendi? I think not. 

Also what is with the Punjabi hangover? It seems you were dumped by a true blue Punjabi man and you resent that fact to the core. It's OK if the relationship ended, why end your morality and intelligence? There are women who are denied basic rights down South and there are women who enjoy freedom in the North. Why say something based upon skewed perceptions rather than statistics? Women are not treated like trash in Delhi as you ardently believe. Any gender disparity is because of widespread ignorance and insensitivity and those are the weeds you should uproot. Spewing poison won't help you one bit. Also, for the record Delhi does not equal to Punjab. 

Ah English, would you really stoop so low and accuse us of not speaking it as well as our western counterparts? Aren't we all Macaulay's children? 'Mere mom-dad' seems so much more cuter and friendlier than my father and mother. Why take the fun out of everything? When I read 'You were brought up on Gurdas Mann and the heroic deeds of Devinder Singh Bhullar', I sat up bewildered. Are all boys in Delhi bought up on a staple diet of these two? Why was I denied the heroism of Gurdas Mann and Devinder Singh Bhullar? I wish my parents could afford these two, I would have been so much more braver. Sigh.

I should tell you a secret, I would've let it all go if you hadn't dragged the lovely girls of LSR and St Stephen's into this thoughtless quagmire of yours. Though 'hollaback' began as an international movement, I know for a fact that many girls from the aforementioned colleges actively took part in the 'Delhi' version of this viral angst rather actively. You can find their contribution here. There are many such initiatives they have been a part of and I hope you'll recognize their efforts. 
I'm so sure that you must have met a Brit who said 'sawth' instead of 'south'. Delhi men know how to pronounce 'south', they say it all the time. From cracking lewd jokes to choosing their cuisine, the word 'south' is everywhere. We love 'your' food, its awesome. Standing testimony to this fact are the many and crowded Sagar Ratna's here. I swear we all wait in a line every time we go there, it's now a tradition. In fact, I often refuse to dine there if there is no queue outside. I feel offended.

You also seem to earnestly believe that only South Indians crack IIT, become writers and journalists , and follow their dreams. I beg to differ. We are passionate about our dreams too. Hence we sleep a lot. Also, what's wrong with wishing you ‘Happy Guru Purab’? I find all of your rants rather inconsistent with any logical personality trait. Please don't write when you are confused. You might not become a good writer then. 

I am angriest at the fact that you misspelled 'Kaka Da Dhaba'. It's where I roll.

Delhi Boy

P.S.- Never judge a book by its cover. Similarly, never judge Delhi by 'Delhi Belly'.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Draupadi's Daughter

For Draupadi, a thousand men fell.
For you, my love, a thousand more.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Verbal Stains

Should I conquer you in slow steps
Or a swift stroke of metal suffice?
You are my muse and my sculpture,
The reason of dried blood on my back.
The lines of passions drawn
By your pale hungry nails,
And mistress to an artist above you.
It is my intention to have you
By sleight of hand or otherwise,
Any means possible or even contrary.
I am waging a war on my own self
Unnecessarily to have you at once.
I know it can be easily avoided
For you are not worth a pittance.
However word uttered from my lips
Carries both clout and concealment.
So tell me my dearest
Would you like to come in pieces
Or should I order a king sized bed?


I will come to love you
Without reasons or annotations;
The corners of our pages
Folded as if in prayer.

I will suck the pleasure
From your toes;
My tongue, your hostess
For the evening.

I will write notes of love
On your bare back;
My palms steady
In the rhythm of our pace.

I will lose language
To communicate:
My body broken
By your love.

I will plant kisses
With aching gentleness:
Your moist secrets
Quivering like a bow.

I will quench us both
An oasis in sand;
My hands cupping
The folds of your flesh.

I will break your will
To restraint and to shy;
Awaken the desire
To be violently consumed.

I will come to love you
Without reasons or annotations;
A long dark shadow of the night
Inconsolable with your want.